Oh No, He Didn't!
by Purple Flower
Summary: Sasuke and Kabuto get in trouble with Orochimaru when Sasuke gets an idea. And it has to do with Naruto's Sexy Jutsu. One-Shot, crack, and OOC depending on your point of view.


I was quite bored on a particular Saturday afternoon, and while I was looking at a picture of girl Naruto I was thinking of Orochimaru, Sasuke, and Kabuto, so I got the idea to write this. I shall now let you perspire in peace.

_**Purple Flower**_

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_One day, in Orochimaru's hideout... _

"Kabuto! Sasuke! Get over here _**now!!**_" Orochimaru bellowed furiously from the other room. His yell was so loud it made Sasuke jump. "I wonder wh-what he wants?" He wondered aloud. Kabuto looked up from his book and opened his mouth to speak when another of his master's yells interrupted. "_**NOW!!**_" Cringing, the raven-haired teen and the round-spectacle-wearing young man marched over to the room where Orochimaru is.

They quietly walked inside where they found a large, broken vase in front of the snake-like old man. "Now, who broke this?!" Orochimaru demanded. Hearing him angry as a bull is scary, but both Kabuto and Sasuke seeing him in his bright sugar pink p.j's and fuzzy slippers was much scarier. They glanced at each other.

"It was him" Sasuke blamed. "What? Maybe it was you!" Kabuto shot back.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did _not_--"

And then Orochimaru shot a kunai between their noses. With such a close call, both instantly stopped arguing. "Who was it?" Orochimaru repeated. They pointed at each other then glared.

"It was you!" Kabuto yelled. "No, it was you!" Sasuke yelled back. "**Stop!!**" Orochimaru then shouted very angrily.

The fifteen-year-old Uchiha and the twenty-two-year-old Yakushi turned to him, startled. "If you two are going to keep arguing like children, I'll give you's three days to decide upon yourselves." He said in pure disgust and sarcasm. Then he stormed off. "Remember, that was my most treasured vase!" He shot them a basilisk-like glare while looking over his shoulder.

And then Orochimaru walked and bumped into the wall. Sasuke was about to laugh when Kabuto elbowed him in his stomach. Orochimaru turned and reached for the doorknob but the door was already open so he fell through. Both snickered, trying really hard not to laugh.

Orochimaru muttered curses as he picked himself up. Then he stumbled over his feet far away in the other end of the hallway. Kabuto and Sasuke heard a loud '_Thunk!_' and, "Oww, my freaking nose!!"

Sasuke went to close the door, face breaking into a wide smile. Unable to hold it in, they burst out laughing hysterically.

-_Later_-

"...So it was you that broke it?" Kabuto asked Sasuke. "I admit it, yes I did." He hung his head miserably. Another while later, he spilled out the entire story.

"...So your were uncontrollably hyper on five cans of Red Bull and you danced to 'Love Love Shine' on Lord Orochimaru's DDR machine? Annnnd, you were so hyper you kept dancing even not on it and then you kicked the cabinet with his vase on it and it fell?" Kabuto lightly smiled.

Sasuke nodded, grimacing. "So you'll need to tell Orochimaru." He pushed his glasses higher on his nose. "But he'll kill me!" Sasuke complained.

Then he got an idea. "What about we use a 'special' certain jutsu so that Orochimaru won't punish me?" Sasuke snapped his fingers. "Hm? What kind of, 'special', jutsu?" Kabuto asked. Sasuke went up to him and whispered in his ear.

When he pulled away, Kabuto stared, shocked.

"_**THAT**_ jutsu?!" He gasped. Sasuke nodded. "If Naruto tried it on Jiraiya, it should work on Orochimaru." Sasuke said. "Oh come on... It wouldn't work even if you used it on your _brother_ when _he's_ high on Red Bull." Kabuto shook his head.

"It's worth a shot." Sasuke shrugged. Kabuto thought this over for twenty minutes. "Fine."

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-**Day 1**-

"Behold--!"

_poof!_

"Does this look okay, Sasuke?"

"Try again."

"Ahem... Behold--!"

_poof!_

"Damn!"

------------------------------

-**Day 2**-

"Behold--!!"

_poof!_

"Oh, for Christ's sake..."

"I'll try, Kabuto! Behold--!"

_poof!_

"Ha, your's worse Sasuke."

"Shut up."

"Behold--!"

_poof!_

"Noo!!"

---------------------------------

-**Day 3**-

"Hah... Hah... Behold--!"

_poof!_

"Argh..."

"Be... Behold...!"

_poof!_

"Argh!"

"Behold!!"

_poof!_

"AARRRGH!!"

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"Let's go Kabuto. I think I got it." Sasuke wiped the sweat on his forehead. He nodded. Tired from spending 72-hours nonstop on perfecting the 'jutsu', they went to Orochimaru's room.

"So... Which one of you two broke my vase?" Orochimaru demanded, still in pajama's. "Before we say anything, I want to show you something." Kabuto said. "Well, hurry up then." His master crossed his arms. And then Kabuto clapped his hands together to form a seal sign. He took a deep breath, hoping that Orochimaru wouldn't kill him for what he's about to do.

"Sexy Jutsu, Kabuto-Style!!"

_Poof!_

A big puff of smoke enveloped him, covering his entire body. And, when it settled... "What the hell?!?" Orochimaru gasped. Sasuke stared, dumbfounded. They stared at the sight in front of them:

A very pretty girl with sparkling, big angel eyes, long silver hair in two pigtails, a quite ahem developed body that made Kabuto's clothes tight in some places and baggy in others. Even with his glasses on, the Sexy Jutsu version of Kabuto looked seriously cuter. He winked at a seemingly shocked Orochimaru.

"Can you forgive Sasuke, _pleeeeease_ Master?" He begged him. Then he winked again and giggled. Orochimaru couldn't say a word nor Sasuke. They were both too dumbstruck.

And then Girl Kabuto made a very alluring pose and blew a kiss at Orochimaru. Once the kiss hit him... "Oh my _beep_-ing God, Kabuto..." Orochimaru said then collapsed backwards.

Kabuto discontinued the jutsu to check on his master. There was foam at his mouth, a thin streak of blood at one of his nostrils and tears coming out of his eyes which were rolled back. When he turned around, he noticed Sasuke fell as well. But there was even more foam at Sasuke's mouth, and more blood in both nostrils.

"Oh my goodness, I think I killed them...!!"

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End file.
